Counter-Attack with Zach

An angry Pittsburgh sports fan ranting about everything

Hell is Real. It’s Called Being a Pirates Fan

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Remember when the Pirates were 9-2 and three outs away from their tenth win? It was not that long ago (the loss against the Tigers to take the Buccos to 9-3 occurred on April 9th), but it feels like a distant memory–or even an illusion. Surely, the Pirates would not start two consecutive seasons with red-hot form before reverting back to their ways…

Yet, here we are. Since their ninth win of the season, the team has gone 7-16 over their last 23 games. Their numbers at the plate? Horrible. Over that period of time, the Pirates have only scored 57 total runs–an average of 2.48 per game. The collective team batting average is .198. The collective team on-base percentage is .279. The collective slugging percentage is .288. For reference, Shohei Ohtani’s slugging percentage is .685. He has gotten on base at a 42.6% clip this season, over 14% higher than the Pirates have over the past 23 games. His batting average is .362, a whopping .164 points higher. Usually, if a player is batting around .200, they are considered to be a poor hitter, at least in the making contact department. An entire team batting below .200? Absolutely pathetic.

Greg Brown, one of the Pirates’ play-by-play men. revealed an astonishing statistic during Friday’s 3-2 loss to a horrible Colorado Rockies team. The Buccos had not had two hits in an inning from the tenth inning of the game against the Giants five days prior until Friday’s game. That is a feat so inept that it is difficult to comprehend. No, he did not say two consecutive hits in the same inning–he said two hits in the same inning.

The starting pitching has actually been okay, although Mitch Keller has continued to struggle since his all-star appearance last July. This season, the opening day starter and supposed ace of the staff has a 5.18 earned run average (ERA) and an astronomical 1.48 walks and hits per inning pitched (WHIP). Three baserunners allowed for every two innings pitched is horrid. His teammate, rookie phenom Jared Jones, has a WHIP of 0.78, third-lowest among qualified pitchers and just over half the total that Keller sports. Jones is a contrived example due to his dominance, but Keller’s WHIP is 74th-lowest among qualified pitchers…of whom there are only 78. Keller also has the 11th-highest ERA among qualified pitchers. These are not the numbers of a middle of the rotation pitcher, let alone an ace.

I cannot even find numbers to quantify how terrible the Pirates’ bullpen has been collectively, but I will share these individual statistics. David Bednar, who was an all-star closer last year, has a 7.50 ERA in his last 7 games, which includes back-to-back scoreless innings over the past two days to help bring that number down to 7.50. Aroldis Chapman, who was brought in to be the set-up guy and shore up the back end of the bullpen, is 0-2 with a 9.53 ERA over his past 7 games, the last three of which were scoreless. Having your two best relievers surrender ridiculous numbers of runs is certainly not conducive to success.

The Pirates have home series against the lowly Angels (12-22) and the resurgent Cubs (21-14) over the next week. Should they fail to win at least two of the games against the Halos, it will be a colossal failure, especially considering how poorly the Pirates generally play against the Cubs in Pittsburgh.

There is nothing I hate more than being deceived. The Pirates have done that to their fans two consecutive seasons by getting off to great starts before inevitably shitting the bed. This is a franchise that has made the playoffs only three times since 1992, and have only won three playoff games in that same timeframe (all three of which occurred in the same season). If you have ever questioned whether hell exists, try becoming a Pirates fan. It will change your perspective from questioning the existence of hell to believing that heaven does not exist.

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