Before I start this absolute reaming of the Penguins, I want to acknowledge the great season that the Duquesne Dukes men’s basketball program had. Qualifying for the NCAA tournament for the first time in 47 years and securing a round of 64 victory over BYU was incredible to watch and a testament to now-retired head coach Keith Dambrot’s incredible tenure, bringing the Dukes from a 10-22 season when hired in 2017 to a tournament bid. Also, congratulations to 22-year old pitching prospect Jared Jones on making the Pirates’ roster straight out of spring training—an incredible feat for a pitcher so young.

Now, to the bad stuff.

The Penguins’ playoff hopes, which have been on life support for quite some time, are going to be taken off the ventilator very soon. Sitting in 13th place in the eastern conference, a full 9 points behind the 8th-place Washington Capitals while having played the same number of games, is nearly insurmountable with 12 contests to go. This is further complicated by the need for the Penguins to not only pass the Capitals, but to jump over the Red Wings, Islanders, Devils, and Sabres. To put it bluntly, that is not going to happen.

After their win eight days ago against the aforementioned Red Wings, there was a small glimmer of hope that the season was not completely lost. The Pens would have to be nearly perfect, but it was still possible. Since that game, the Penguins have lost 5-2 to the Devils (one of the teams that they are chasing), 4-2 to the Stars, and most recently blew a 4-0 lead to the Colorado Avalanche to lose in overtime. To say that this was a disappointing week would be a colossal understatement. 

Let us start with the game against the Devils. New Jersey opened the scoring approximately five-and-a-half minutes into the game. The Penguins tied it up 7:16 into the second period, only to fall behind on a power play goal by Timo Meier at the 14:20 mark of the same period. Heading into the third period, it was only a one goal deficit—the outcome of the game was very much in doubt—until Alexander Holtz and Dawson Mercer, the latter scoring his second of the game, scored goals 16 seconds apart, the third and fourth goals in a 5-2 victory for the Devils. This was a major blow, as not only did Pittsburgh fail to claim valuable points, but they allowed a team above them in the standings to expand their lead.

Next, the Penguins traveled to Dallas to take on the Stars. Michael Bunting opened the scoring early—2:45 into the game—before Joe Pavelski equalized four-and-a-half minutes later. In the second period, Jamie Benn scored two goals in just over a minute, staking his Stars to a 3-1 lead. Four-and-a-half minutes into the third, the Stars got their fourth via Sam Steel, solidifying what would end up being a 4-2 victory for the team from the Lone Star State.

Yesterday, Pittsburgh traveled to the Mile High City to take on a very strong Avalanche team—what could go wrong? Surprisingly, the answer to that question (at least through the first 36 minutes) was nothing. Jesse Puljujarvi, Bryan Rust, Sidney Crosby, and P.O. Joseph all scored in the first 35:40 of the game, accruing a resounding 4-0 lead. However, just 25 seconds after POJ’s goal, the Avalanche started to mount a comeback. Sean Walker scored at the 16:05 mark of the second period, and Yakov Trenin made it 4-2 with thirty seconds remaining in the middle frame. 

Just three-and-a-half minutes into the third period, Jonathan Drouin buried a pass from Nathan MacKinnon to further reduce the deficit, making it 4-3. 12 minutes later, Drouin returned the favor to MacKinnon, with the Nova Scotia native tying the game up. Drouin would score the winning goal in overtime as well, putting the lid on an incredible choke job by the Penguins.

At some point, things have to change. The team is incredibly undisciplined, demonstrated by taking penalties at very inopportune times as well as in just not being ready to resume play immediately after a goal at either end of the ice. As is evident from my descriptions of the three games last week, the Pens fell asleep at the wheel after the puck hit the twine. Against New Jersey, they gave up two goals in 16 seconds. Against Dallas, they conceded two in the span of 1:17. In Colorado, they gave up two goals in the last four minutes of the second period, and 5 goals in 23:55 plus the time elapsed in overtime.

The players bear a ton of responsibility for these lapses in play. Erik Karlsson, a major offseason acquisition, has been absolutely horrid from a defensive standpoint, with two errors leading to Avalanche goals yesterday. Evgeni Malkin is not playing like the Geno to whom we became accustomed in the Penguins’ glory days. The only consistent performer is Sidney Crosby, and he cannot do it alone. Too many mistakes—both physical and mental—have doomed this season.

However, the coaching staff also deserves a large portion of the blame. A lack of discipline is something that stems from poor coaching. Under no circumstances should teams be conceding again so soon after giving up an initial goal, and it sure as hell should not be occurring so commonly. The special teams have been dreadful, which is a black mark on the assistant coaches’ résumés, and the team just appears to lack any sort of effort and conviction at times. I cannot remember the last time the team looked like they were trying for the full sixty minutes of regulation.

Ultimately, this falls on the shoulders of head coach Mike Sullivan. Do not get me wrong, I love Sully—he is the reason the Penguins won back-to-back Stanley Cups in 2016 and 2017. Since that 2017 triumph against the Nashville Predators, though, we have only seen one playoff series victory. That may be an indictment of the players in some capacity, but it is also demonstrative of Sullivan growing stale. The extreme aggression with which the team played in the early years of the Sullivan era has completely dissipated over the past few seasons. Where is the grit? Where is the competitive spirit? Where is the anger when shit hits the fan? I have yet to see it consistently this season, and I cannot say I saw much of it the last few seasons either.

As much as it pains me to say, I want almost the entire coaching staff gone. Todd Reirden should have been fired months ago—the power play is absolutely pathetic, and the ratio of power play goals to shorthanded goals is something to be studied by future generations of hockey coaches. Mike Vellucci needs to be canned, too. Unfortunately, Sullivan also needs to be let go, if not just for a change of leadership in the locker room. It has become increasingly clear that the players do not play with the intensity that they used to under Sully, signaling that his tenure has all but worn out.

The only coach that I do not mind keeping is goaltending coach Andy Chiodo, as, for the first time in what seems like a generation, the Penguins’ goalie corps has not been the culprit for many losses. Tristan Jarry and Alex Nedeljkovic have been superb this season, especially when you consider the horrid hockey that is being played in front of them.

NHL coaches get recycled like grocery bags. I have no doubt that, should the Penguins make the right decision and move on from Mike Sullivan, he will have a job in a matter of days. That does not make it a bad idea, though. Coaches grow stale. Sully did his job here, and, while he is a good coach, he is not the right coach for this team at this juncture. The team plays like a beer league team half the games, which is inexcusable in the NHL.

To quote Seinfeld, when Kramer and Newman are conversing in Jerry’s bedroom in the middle of the night, “I WANT [ALMOST] EVERYONE OUT!” Clean house, start over, and retool for next season. There is enough talent on this roster that they should not be thirteenth in the conference. Kyle Dubas should not (and probably will not) stand for mediocrity while Crosby’s career starts to wane.