Warning: reader discretion is advised due to strong language

Have you ever braced yourself for immeasurable disappointment, only to somehow be awestruck by the level of incompetence taking place before your very eyes? Welcome to being a fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates, where the impossibly bad is now possible, if not probable. 

Let’s face it—we all knew Ben Cherington was going to fuck up Thursday’s trade deadline. It was inevitable given his track record. The question wasn’t “good or bad?”, so much as it was “how angry will I be at 6:00 that evening?”

The short answer to that question is that I briefly wished that the Pirates would relocate following the shitshow the front office displayed leading up to the trade deadline, as it would sever any ties I have to the franchise and thus free me from the bottomless abyss of disappointment. 

The Bucs were, expectedly, sellers at the deadline. However, they were not as active as one might have thought—or as they should have been. They traded Ke’Bryan Hayes to the Reds, Caleb Ferguson to the Mariners, David Bednar to the Yankees, Taylor Rogers (one of the acquisitions in the Hayes trade) to the Cubs, and…for some reason…Bailey Falter to the Royals. 

Before I dive into the trades they made (the returns on which look to be fucking atrocious), it is important to note that there were players on expiring contracts that Cherington opted to not deal: Tommy Pham, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, and Andrew Heaney being the most prominent three. Why on EARTH would you not trade them? They serve NO value to a team out of contention, especially if they do not re-sign in the offseason (which is the expectation). 

Now, it is possible that there were not any offers made for these players. However, I find that hard to believe. Tommy Pham has a 1.4 bWAR this season, slashing .271/.339/.384. He has also been one of the hottest hitters in baseball, amassing an OPS of 1.036 over the past 30 days. You cannot convince me that a contender would not have benefitted from his presence. 

It is a similar story for IKF, whose .273/.313/.339 slash line and decent fielding has contributed to a 1.6 bWAR so far, making him a somewhat valuable asset to a contending team. Heaney has not been great with a 4.89 ERA and fielding-independent pitching of 5.26, but the other two players should have been moved at least. 

When asked about not trading players on expiring contracts, Ben Cherington said the team “didn’t feel like they had to trade anybody”. WHY NOT??? What are these guys contributing to a team fifteen games below .500 when they will almost certainly be wearing different jerseys next year?

Now, it is time to discuss the trades the organization did make—the moves that made me want to punch a wall. The day before the deadline, the Pirates made two trades: they moved Ke’Bryan Hayes to the division rival Reds for relief pitcher Taylor Rogers and 20 year-old shortstop prospect Sammy Stafura. I did not hate this trade, for what it is worth. Would I have preferred trading Key to a team in another division? Yes. But, getting rid of his contract when the guy simply cannot hit is a win in my book. The other trade made was moving reliever Caleb Ferguson to Seattle in exchange for 19 year-old pitching prospect Jeter Martinez, who has a 6.18 ERA in high-A ball. With Ferguson on an expiring contract, this was a “take what you can get” move. 

When Thursday rolled around, the expectation for me was that David Bednar, Dennis Santana, IKF, Pham, and Heaney would be moved at a minimum. I expected an absolute haul for Bednar, given that Twins closer Jhoan Duran fetched the Phillies’ 4th- and 6th-ranked prospects. I would have been pleased with something comparable, even slightly less. Bednar’s main draw was that he is signed through the 2026 season, so the Pirates did not need to trade him for the sake of trading him. 

When I got the notification that Bednar was traded to the Yankees, I was pissed off for two reasons: the first being that I hate the Yankees, thus making it difficult for me to root for him. The second, and larger reason, was that the Yankees’ farm system is bad, so their prospect pool is not one that I would have wanted to choose from. 

Even before we were given news of the return, Twitter expected it to be bad. Cherington did not disappoint Twitter. For David Bednar and his extra year of control, the Pirates acquired the Yankees’ 8th-ranked prospect, catcher Rafael Flores, their 14th-prospect, catcher Edgleen Perez, and low-A prospect, outfielder Brian Sanchez. 

To say I was underwhelmed by the return would be an understatement. The centerpiece of the trade, Rafael Flores, is a 24-year old minor league catcher who has slashed .244/.454/.356 in only 45 triple-A at-bats. Let me repeat: he is 24 years-old with 45 career triple-A at-bats. Not only that, the Pirates have invested so much time and draft capital into the catching position with Henry Davis, Joey Bart, and Endy Rodriguez, just to trade their most prized deadline asset in recent memory for a package centered around not one, but TWO catching prospects. Edgleen Perez is also a catcher in high-A ball, where he is batting a whopping .214 with zero home runs in 304 at-bats. 

THIS IS THE RETURN YOU GET FOR BEDNAR? A TWENTY-FOUR YEAR-OLD CATCHER WITH 12 GAMES OF AAA EXPERIENCE AND TWO A-BALL PROSPECTS??? HOW HAVE YOU NOT GOTTEN MORE????

It gets worse. Ben Cherington, in his infinite fucking wisdom, admitted that the Pirates could have gotten a better player for Bednar. Per Colin Beazley of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Cherington said the Pirates “‘had access’ to players that were ranked higher than who the Yankees offered for David Bednar. They simply preferred this package…”

That is like telling your wife that you had the ability to marry a more attractive woman, but you chose her instead. Good job, Ben. You admitted you fucking suck at your job. 

If that was not bad enough, the Pirates inexplicably traded Bailey Falter to the Royals for 28 year-old relief pitcher Evans Sisk (who is one day older than Falter) and first-base prospect Callan Moss, who is 21 years-old but still in high-A ball. Now, why would you trade Falter—who had a very solid 3.73 ERA and was only making $2.2 million—when he has three years of arbitration before hitting free agency in 2029?

Apparently, the Pirates saw him as a non-tender candidate! They were going to let him go this offseason instead of going to arbitration, despite his career-best season on a minuscule salary! WHY WAS HE A NON-TENDER CANDIDATE? DOES ANYONE IN THE PIRATES ORGANIZATION HAVE A GODDAMN CLUE WHAT THEY ARE DOING?

On July 20th, Ben Cherington said that his goal was, “to increase the chances of the Pirates being a winning team in 2026…”. Meanwhile, through their deadline deals, the Pirates acquired three high-A prospects, two low-A prospects, a single-A guy, a triple-A trade centerpiece, and a 28 year-old reliever with five innings of MLB experience. Does that scream “WINNING” anytime soon to you?

I am so fed up of having the same tired lies spoon-fed to me, year after year. I do not know how much longer I can take being a fan of this pathetic franchise. You can pretend to care all you want—if you are unwilling to spend money, just stop lying to the fans and shut the fuck up.